I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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