i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
