they need to just BURY HIM!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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