I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
