i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
