I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
