She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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