ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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