break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
