So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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