I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
