There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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