note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
