I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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