Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize