im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
