taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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