Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
