I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
