OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
