He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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