Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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