tell your sister to shave her snatch
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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