I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
