I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
