everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
