You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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