There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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