i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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