Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
