The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
