either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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