Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
