It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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