No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
