if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
