Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I forget how to act sober
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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