There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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