I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
