Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
