I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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