I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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