She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
