Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
