So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Randomize
