Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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