I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
