I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
