She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
