Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
