The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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