I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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