I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just found puke in my bra..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
