Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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