So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
