It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
