You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Text me some of your sweat
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
