I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
