She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize