Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
