Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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