you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So drunk its hurt
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
