Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
