moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
