call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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