This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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