My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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