if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
