i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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