this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
