I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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