He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
