i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
