Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
