Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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