Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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