everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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