alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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