I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
