I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
smell my finger.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
