Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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