Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
