I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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