and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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