i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
