oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize