dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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