I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
