did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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