Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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