grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
