did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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