he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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