This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
