dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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