Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
