is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My bed smells like the plague
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
