I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
