Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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